Learning and wanting to trust like never before with someone who wants to know what love is, can be a humbling and terrifying experience. As we authentically ask ourselves, "Is this safe? Is this what I deeply desire? Is this real, a truly sincere love connection with another human being?"
"You provide me with the water and sunshine that allow me the strength and courage to truly come out of my shell and grow, to spread my roots and flourish because of the reciprocity we choose to offer one another. WE as individuals are what allow the other person to feel safe WITH one another." Can you say this to your lover? Do you want to? Do they feel the same? Do you both give as equals emotionally? These are all questions that should be considered when developing and nurturing your relationship(s). Do you love deeply, but protect yourself within a hard, fearful shell? How thick are your walls or the walls of your loved one(s)? How much of yourself are you allowing someone to truly see and how are you showing up for the one you love?
In vulnerable, sincere relationships, two people need to be willing and able to reflect on their own individual roles and their impact on the relationship in order to establish the healthy, functional circuit that BOTH parties desire. It isn't about one person. #1 know what you authentically want. Why do you behave as you do? How do you influence your own emotions and the emotions of others? What do you do to get what you want and is it at the expense of others and their feelings? What do you truly want to feel? "Your loved ones are not to be considered collateral damage." Are you happy or just comfortable and complacent? What you do either nurtures or damages your loved ones. How does your behavior impact and enable the situation you currently sit within? What do you and your behaviors add to the relationship, positively or negatively? "It takes two to make a thing go right. It takes two to make it out-of-sight." - Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock
If deep, meaningful love shared between you and another human being is something you desire, you must be willing to meet in the middle. Both of you. Consider the other person's feelings as though they are as important as your own. Releasing selfish behavior is key, placing yourself in another's shoes. Expecting, but not giving, is not the two-way street required to achieve a fluid and balanced journey with your loved one(s). Selfish behaviors create insecurities, resentment, animosity, distrust, frustration, withdrawal, disconnect and division.
When you sincerely choose to deeply love and respect someone outside of yourself, that decision and action immediately influences your behavior and your reactions towards others; how you CHOOSE to behave. This choice directly allows your loved one the space to feel safe, valuable and willing to love and respect you equally, but you MUST be willing to look within yourself first to understand why you do the things you do and how those behaviors directly impact your relationships. The yin and yang.
We are all mirrors for ourselves and others. Those relationships we hold close mirror much of our strengths, weaknesses, fears, confidence, wounds, ambition, insecurities and internal dialogue (self-talk). The games people play, the lies and deceit, the love and affection, we allow what we keep in our lives for our own personal reasons. When we look into the eyes of people we love and respect, those we strive to care for, we have choices. Those we love and respect have the power to either transform us in meaningful ways or gradually disconnect our trusting hearts. Our loved ones mentor us in valuable ways, they inspire us to say, "Thank you for loving me, for allowing me this safe space to thrive and grow." They also enable us with the power to say, "Thank you for showing me how I would never choose to be."