Disconnections and unexpected circumstances arise regularly within this enormous existence we call life, whether we're the one to blame or are on the receiving end of the tsunami taking place, unexpected surprises are not always met with a smile and unicorn dust. During these situations it's important to be able to take a step back and assess these situations as they arise to help eliminate the tendency to develop animosity and resentment within our relationships. Sometimes we have to walk away, sometimes we may even need to take ample time to regroup, but if you genuinely care about someone, it's important to circle back around and meet in the middle to determine what the your next moves are.
Circumstances that catch us off guard tend to trigger us in unusual ways, sometime they evoke pleasant reactions and sometimes they bring out the ferocious dragon within each of us. Am I the one to blame? Did I provoke this situation in any way? What are the underlying issues creating this behavior? Inquiring and listening, agreeing to disagree, discovering common ground and allowing people to figure themselves out is essential.
During an initial relationship breakdown, we don't always stop to ask ourselves these initial questions prior to reacting to someone else's behavior, especially when we know we play no part in the behaviors of someone else. These are some of the most volatile situations, those that involve the poor behavior of someone else due to their own poor internal dialogue or selfish tendencies. Being oblivious is another hiccup that many people have to deal with. It's all learning, learning one another, learning self, deciding what we value, who we value and why. When we become the collateral damage within a situation, fury has a tendency to be the reaction or response to being betrayed by those we trust and love. Catching someone off guard, regardless of how the cookie crumbles, is an unpleasant phenomenon. Whether instigating an unpleasant situation or responding to a displeasing scenario, it's absolutely essential to take ownership of our individual behavior where our loved ones are concerned in order to address the underlying issues and to repair what is still salvageable, if that's the desired goal. This is where an authentic, "I'm sorry," can make a world of difference.
- This situation inspires me to feel this way...
- Can you help me understand what just happened?
- We've had this conversation a number of times, what seems to be unclear?
- Are you unaware of what is taking place?
- What are you thinking?
- Why would you do that?
- Are you happy?
- What do you want?
- I love you, how can we work through this?
- How can I support you?
- This is how you can support me...
- Perhaps you need some time to figure some things out.
- I need to take some time to think about this.
- "We need to be able to trust one another."
- What you did hurt me
Take the time to get real and uncomfortable with the ones you love in order to get to the root of the issue(s). "Love the ones you love. Show them."